Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Type Sketch: The Leftist

Back in May, I posted a student's type sketch, "The Lackadaisical Man." Just by way of reviewing that genre,
"A type sketch is the opposite of a character sketch. Instead of describing a specific individual, the type sketch paints a word picture of a general type of person. Usually the best way to bring the type sketch to life is to use humor, satire, or gentle sarcasm...Usually the title of the type sketch will reveal the opinion of the author..."
The following is another submission for writing a type sketch.
The Leftist

Kicked out of his parents' house prematurely at the age of 38, the leftist wants all to know that if not for global warming, Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans would have had the pre-planned hurricane shelter areas stocked with food and medicine.

Not satisfied with the fact that some people are perfectly unaware that he's a moron, the leftist opens his mouth to declare that it's in your economic interest for your boss to be taxed out of business to pay for unemployment programs and turds in museums.

The leftist has many paper fliers to tell you about the alleged evils of cutting down trees, which he passes out at public gatherings where he wears a Che Guevara T-shirt silk-screened in a seedy San Francisco sweat shop and screams about unfair wages.

Leftists personify a complete lack of a sense of irony, with hilariously pathetic results.

--Submitted by Mr. Beamish
Mr. Beamish mentioned irony, so added here is an excerpt from the follow-up reading assignment:

"What most people don't know is that Marx was an out and out racist and anti-Semite. He didn't think much of Mexicans. Concerning the annexation of California after the Mexican-American War, Marx...asks, 'Is it a misfortune that magnificent California was seized from the lazy Mexicans who did not know what to do with it?' Friedrich Engels, Marx's co-author of the Manifesto of the Communist Party, added, 'In America we have witnessed the conquest of Mexico and have rejoiced at it. It is to the interest of its own development that Mexico will be placed under the tutelage of the United States.'"
The article goes on to discuss Friedrich Engels, Thomas Carlyle, and Charles Dickens. Read it all!


At 6/28/2006 6:44 AM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...

Speaking of irony, look at all the leftists taking time off from making their "privacy rights" arguments against NSA wiretapping of terror suspects to make hay of Rush Limbaugh's Viagra prescriptions.

At 6/28/2006 7:02 AM, Blogger Always On Watch said...

Mr. Beamish,
How many Leftists take Viagra? Never mind, I don't want to know!

At 6/28/2006 7:28 AM, Blogger Old Soldier said...

AOW, I apologize in advance, but I cannot leave it alone… I must yield to the savory opening.

”How many Leftists take Viagra?”

It is obvious all the radicals do, because they have a huge hard-on for Bush.

Beamish, you are indeed a gifted wordsmith. I am glad you found the fortitude to leave home before the age of 38. Write on!

At 6/28/2006 7:35 AM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...

How many Leftists take Viagra?

Hopefully all of those that are on Osama Bin Laden's speed dial list. So we'll hear about it every 20 minutes.

But, given the fact that the existence of coherent leftists is at best mythological, even that irony will be lost on them.

At 6/28/2006 8:14 AM, Blogger Always On Watch said...


Comment moderation is disabled.

At 6/28/2006 8:38 AM, Blogger Gayle said...

"The radicals have a huge hard-on for Bush!" Dang, Old Soldier, talk about almost spitting coffee all over the keyboard!

I'm afraid, AOW, if I were to write a word sketch about leftists, I wouldn't be that kind!

At 6/28/2006 10:15 AM, Blogger Brooke said...

Even you've got to admit that Che tee-shirts are ridiculous, Ducky!;)

At 6/28/2006 1:27 PM, Blogger nanc said...

that engels, what a peach.

At 6/28/2006 3:22 PM, Blogger Jason Pappas said...

Great caricature of the typical leftist! Even generous! You have the leftist expressing coherent statements we can understand and laugh at. Contrast that with Ducky—what on earth is he talking about?

Let me guess. He wants everyone to know that Marx saw the path to socialism through industrialized capitalism and consequently applauded the conquests of backwards nations. (I bet you couldn’t tell that from Ducky’s blurb.) Today’s third world-loving leftists have substituted “noble savages” for proletariat and get it all backwards (as I was telling John Brownshirt.) But they aren’t purists … neither was Lenin. That’s the whole point: Marx was wrong. Now Leftists have to wing it. They have nothing left but their hatred of America. But Ducky just doesn’t get it. Leftism is a dead end; ripe for parody.

At 6/28/2006 3:45 PM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...


Ducky's only objection to a type sketch that accurately depicts leftists as developmentally stunted, irony-challenged morons that are seemingly clueless about their inherent lack of intellectual function is, and I quote, "by 38 I OWNED my own home."

Uh huh.

I couldn't write a better type sketch of the leftist when the real thing provides an example, in full imbecilic glory.

At 6/28/2006 3:59 PM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...


Marx, when he wasn't laying the ideological groundwork for Hitler and other left-wing genocidal racists, often tried to invoke his most insanely wrong premise - "The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles" - to suggest that capitalist systems would naturally become communist through a gradual series of transitions / "revolutions" over time.

In other words, NO ONE understands capitalism LESS than Marx.

As for Ayn Rand, she's "so-so." Good for a sense of self-esteem at age 14, but relatively useless to older readers.

At 6/28/2006 4:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Ducky, be introduced to the literary tool called exaggeration!!!! I think we might have a little leftist in all of us, just maybe not in the epic proportions described in the type sketch.

What's wrong with not owning your own business? We all have to start somewhere! Come on, admit to it, didn't you have a boss once?

By the way, Mr. Beamish, I thought your type sketch was hilarious. Good job!


At 6/28/2006 6:14 PM, Blogger Always On Watch said...

Hello! Enjoying your summer break? Staying high and dry, I hope.

Quite a compliment you gave Mr. Beamsish--a well-deserved compliment. It comes as high praise from a supreme sonnet-writer!

At 6/28/2006 6:44 PM, Blogger Always On Watch said...

Comment moderation is on.

I need a nap!

At 6/28/2006 7:36 PM, Blogger Dan Zaremba said...

The model that Marx created in his head and called 'capitalism' is only a model which has nothing to do with reality.
It was based based on imagined and/or invented facts and compiled together with ideas stolen/borrowed form other philosophers and theoreticians.

This is why all previous and current attempts to build a better 'world' based upon this 'model' coudn't and won't work.

There is a very simple relation between a design and its implementation.
If the design is faulty the product won't work.
This concept is too difficult to grasp for the 'progressive' type.

Great post.

At 6/28/2006 8:13 PM, Blogger nanc said...

it was superb, especially for someone who still enjoys "the pokey little puppy".

At 6/28/2006 10:30 PM, Blogger Mike's America said...

Beamish gets an A+! The ability to say so much in so few words is a rare talent.

P.S. I liked the bit about Marx and the Mexicans too. Maybe I've been too critical of Marx.

At 6/28/2006 11:45 PM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...


The Poky Little Puppy, by Janette Sebring Lowery, one of the world's best selling children's books, is an ultimate demonstration of the failure of collective punishment as a governing force in an egalitarian society.

I'd put it up on the top shelf, with any of Kafka's works.

At 6/29/2006 5:18 AM, Blogger beakerkin said...


We have a deranged Communist who is a walking cartoon named John Brown. He rails against facism forgetting that facists should be insulted by any comparison to Communist who at last count are 100,000,000 democides ahead.

Boat People, Killing Fields, Gulags and Reeducation camps are hardly the stuff dreams are made up of outside of Elm Street.

At 6/29/2006 10:47 AM, Blogger WomanHonorThyself said...

The leftist has many paper fliers to tell you about the alleged evils of cutting down trees, which he passes out at public gatherings where he wears a Che Guevara T-shirt ....Exactly!...the Left where hypocrisy and arrogance reign supreme...brilliant beamish!..ty for the post AOW!.:)

At 6/29/2006 4:25 PM, Blogger Always On Watch said...


I've been busy with flood control and the subsequent invasion of the ants, so I haven't been able to comment much to this thread. I have attempted to be faithful about moderating comments, though.

In the past few days, a personal matter has arisen. My next posting will explain more. Real life must take precedence at the moment.


At 6/29/2006 5:50 PM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...


g, I think you'll find that most English philosophers at the time were into this Herbert Spencer social darwinism stuff. Not particularly interesting.

Most right wingers still are.

Still? It was the leftists who called themselves "Progressives," in both America and Europe, that embraced eugenics, euthanasia, abortion, and sterilization in the early 20th Century as a means of population control, and all found racial minorities to be unworthy of further breeding.

Today, the strains of that entirely leftist master race paradigm still exists, enshrined in affirmative action laws that all still begin with the premise that racial minorities are inferior and therefore need a different prerequisite standard to compete with normal humans.

The racist doctrines of races being steps on a ladder of evolution was, and continues to be one of the unifying doctrines of leftist thought.

And I don't care if you're too stupid to see it for yourself. Anyone who doesn't know Hitler was a leftist is incapable of serious discussion.

At 6/30/2006 11:07 AM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...


I've never read or owned a copy of The Bell Curve.

Did you have an intelligent response to my previous post, or does your leftism prevent it?

At 6/30/2006 3:16 PM, Blogger Always On Watch said...

You're a little predictable yourself! LOL.

At 7/01/2006 4:20 AM, Blogger (((Thought Criminal))) said...

Here's something for Ducky to cry about, and it contains a poignant (yet not as scathing) character sketch of leftists as well.

Get a hanky.

At 7/01/2006 6:30 AM, Blogger Always On Watch said...

Mr. Beamish,
I just read that link. Quite a piece of writing there, but not as pointed as YOUR type sketch!

At 7/01/2006 8:51 AM, Blogger cube said...

*sound of nail being hit on the head*

This is why the lefty POV drives me crazy. It springs from an emotion-driven fantasy realm and ignores facts, reality, and a historical perspective of any kind.


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