Sometimes You Have To Laugh
A special thank-you to the former student who shared these items with me!
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?Years ago, my boss, the director of a private school, used to remind us teachers of the importance of thinking before speaking (The same applies to writing and proofreading): "Be sure your brain is in gear before you engage your mouth." Somebody needs to remind various public figures of that good advice.
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
(On September 17, 1994, Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995)
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of> the lowest crime rates in the country."
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." ["We"?]
--Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A Congressional candidate in Texas.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Danny Ozark, manager of the Philadelphia Phillies
"It isn't pollution that's harming the> environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be President!!!!!!!!!
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football, quarterback and sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, Vice President
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
Note to readers of this blog: You are invited to share some of your favorite bloopers, political or otherwise, by adding other malapropisms and inanities to the comments section.